Thank you so much to all of the ladies that came out to our first Green Valley Ward Relief Society book club meeting! We had 11 women show up and we had a great time but, since not everyone who wanted to participate was able to attend, I took notes on the discussion and will post all about it here. Please feel free to continue the discussion via the comments box. Our book for this month was "Cinder and Ella" by the lovely and talented Melissa Lemon. We discussed the following questions:
(WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!!!)
WHEN ONE MEMBER OF A FAMILY IS STRUGGLING, WHAT EFFECT CAN IT HAVE ON OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS?
We are all familiar with the adage, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" There is no denying that when one member of a family is hurting it has a direct effect on the rest of the family. In this
book, the father abandoned his wife and four daughters which threw the family into a tailspin. They no longer had a leader. We'll talk about the father's possible motivations later but we all disapproved of his leaving. We are equally disgusted with the behavior of the mother, Adela. Why she didn't do more, take control, or behave like a mother? We agreed that she started out with good intentions - to support her daughters - but she let it take over and lost her family focus. We talked briefly about how it could have been different if the mother had left first and the father had been left alone to raise his girls. We also talked about things, like Adela's spinning, that can pull our focus from our families, specifically mentioning Internet use.
Isn't it interesting how we all react differently to stress and difficulties? Katrina, the oldest, becomes spoiled, selfish, and completely self-absorbed. Beatrice, the youngest, is doted on and so spoiled that she cannot fend for herself at all. Cinder is "the good sister," doing all that she can to care for their mother, placate Katrina, and pamper Beatrice. She almost becomes a mother figure, caring for home and family. Ella has spunk! She helps when and where she can, when she feels like it, but doesn't take flak from her other sisters. She did what she felt she could but also protected herself. How do we react when things in our lives get rough? Do we shut everything and everyone out? Do we bend over backwards to make everyone else comfortable, even if it means ignoring our own needs? Do we stand up for ourselves?
WHAT THINGS EXIST TODAY THAT CAN TEAR A FAMILY APART?
Internet
Alcohol
Illegal drug use
Selfishness
Addiction (includes gambling and pornography)
Focus on the individual rather than the family as a whole
Sibling rivalry
We also noticed that Prince Monticello represents much of what can tear a family apart. In the beginning of the story we read about the Prince planting dark thoughts into the mind of the father which eventually led to the destruction of that family unit. We also talked about how the Prince, like Satan, works through other people.
EVEN WHEN WE LIVE THE BEST THAT WE KNOW HOW, WILL OUR OWN ENDS BE "HAPPILY EVER AFTER?" IS THERE SUCH A THING?
Our first reaction was, "absolutely not!!" Yes, that does have double exclamation points!! We talked about how while happily ever after may not exist, the following do:
As happy as you can be right now
Happily enduring to the end
Peacefully ever after
Contentment ever after
We all believe that "happily ever after" will not occur in this life, but is a definite reality for the life to come. Sister Colleen Dowda pointed out that an event + our response to it = the outcome.
E + R = O
This question reminded me of Hilary Weeks' song, "Beautiful Heartbreak." If you haven't heard it, check it out on YouTube. It's worth it!
As a follow up question, we asked if happiness is a choice. YES!! We agree that happiness is always an option but please, please don't remind anyone of that while they are going through the trial! Ha ha ha! Sister Christy Whetten talked about a female cancer patient that she greatly admires who's mantra has become "Choose Joy!" What a beautiful thought for all of us! We also talked about Mariama Kallon. She was raised in war-torn Sierra Leone. She watched as her parents were killed, she was brutally raped, was forced to watch while her sister had her legs cut off and again later when her sister died from an infection, and was constantly having to run from rebel soldiers. She talked about how, even though she has had to endure all of these terrible things, she has HOPE because of Jesus Christ.
In order for us to feel happiness we need to make sure that we are doing what we can. For example, we need to be sure to repent when we sin or fall short of the mark. We need to be humble and teachable. We need to make sure that we have a balance in our lives, which also seemed to be a theme of the book. The family was fine until the Prince came along and disrupted their balance, and sometimes we all have to deal with the results of other's choices. We all agreed that life isn't fair.
Lisa Witt pointed out that if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
WHY DO YOU THINK THE MOTHER OF THE FAMILY SHUT EVERYONE ELSE OUT?
We think that it all boiled down to one thing: she just couldn't handle it. Sometimes it is easier to refuse to deal with things or to throw ourselves into mindless work rather than face our challenges head on. We felt that Adela put all of her proverbial eggs into her husband's basket. She seemed to be completely dependent on him for her happiness and, when he was gone, so was her ability to function. We thought that this has some parallels to our own testimonies. To a point, we can rely on/lean on other people but there comes a time when you have to be able to stand on our own two feet. The father took years to completely fade away from his family. The mother seems to have gotten worse over time as well, eventually forgetting her own daughter. Losing our faith can start with a single bad choice and reinforced to us that we need to constantly be on our guard.
HOW DID GOING THROUGH THEIR STRUGGLES TOGETHER HELP CINDER AND ELLA? HOW ARE OUR RELATIONSHIPS STRENGTHENED WHEN WE STRUGGLE TOGETHER RATHER THAN APART?
We all agreed that it is so much easier to go through trials with a friend by our side. We need someone who knows where we are and we can also learn from the experiences and perspectives of others. Surrounding ourselves with supportive friends can undoubtedly make us better and can help us to develop strengths that we will need. Sir Tanner was not a member of the family but he was someone who did all that he could to help the family and to support Ella in particular. We decided that he was the perfect example of what visiting teaching can accomplish. Remember that.
Sir Tanner = visiting teaching
Cinder and Ella both had wonderful, albeit different, strengths and weaknesses. By working together they seemed to balance each other out.
WHICH CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH THE MOST?
FERN
She was the woman that took Ella in. We liked her because she is a mother. She worked hard, had two beautiful children and a lovely home, but she needed a little extra help.
FERN AND PAUL
They were loving and immediately accepting of Ella when she was most in need of love and acceptance. They provided a place of peace and safety from the world.
CINDER
She's a good person but a little naive which a couple of us could relate to.
We differed from Cinder in that she seemed too perfect and lovely. She also gave way to the Prince's ego stroking and became a little prideful. We hope that we aren't like that!
ELLA
We all want to be like Ella. She wasn't content to just go with the status quo. She stood up and did something and was strong and courageous. When she couldn't help her family at home, she did what she had to do to protect herself. There are also times in each of our lives when we have felt invisible.
CASSANDRA
Yes, several of us could really relate to the horse! We love to make good choices but sometimes we need to be led right to it. Like Cassandra, when life gets hard we are sometimes tempted to
give up...especially when we are hungry!
WHY DO YOU THINK THE KING DID NOT DO MORE TO PREVENT THE PRINCE FROM CAUSING DESTRUCTION?
We got into a big gospel discussion with the question. My notes are very helter skelter but I'll try to make sense of it.
If you look as this book through the lens of the Gospel, the King obviously represents Heavenly Father and the prince represents Satan, and the King's actions all boil down to agency. Heavenly Father will never, ever act against any person's agency. We felt that it was important to note that He could but that He wouldn't because it would go against His character as God. In the book, the King was always watching over his kingdom but did not interfere until Ella had done absolutely everything in her power to defeat the Prince on her own.
We recognized many elements of the plan of salvation as we read. For example, the Prince was eventually banished by the King. The Prince only had power as long as people, like Ella's family, were willing to give it to him. It also seemed like everyone in the kingdom knew the legend of the trees. Everyone has access to the truths of the Gospel but some refuse to recognize it. We have to work for our faith and our testimonies, just as the characters in the book had to work to find their trees. Cinder and Ella lost various family members, at least for a time. Heavenly Father lost 1/3 of His family in the pre-mortal life and may loose more through our actions and choices.
HOW IS THE COMMONLY KNOWN STORY OF CINDERELLA THE SAME AS THIS BOOK? HOW IS IT DIFFERENT?
SAME
They all went to a castle
The combined strengths of Cinder and Ella are the same as Cinderella's
Cinder served her two "evil" sisters
They caught the attention of the prince
There was a ball
DIFFERENT
There was no glass slipper
The Prince is evil
There was no fairy god mother
No fairy tale magic (i.e. pumpkins turning into coaches)
Cinderella never had to do anything for herself (see below)
Birds and mice helped her to bathe and dress
Birds and rodents made her first ball gown
When the evil step-sisters ruined the rodent-made dress, her fairy god mother came to the rescue.
And after all that, she was rescued by Prince Charming!
IF YOUR LIFE WAS CONNECTED TO A TREE, WHAT KIND OF TREE WOULD IT BE?
A CHRISTMAS TREE
This was my favorite since I am a fan of anything and everything Christmas related. Without a doubt, this would be my tree (and I wasn't alone in choosing it.).
LYCHEE TREE
The fruit of this tree is bright red and prickly on the outside but, inside, it is pure white. The sister who chose this tree said that it represents her (prickly on the outside but pure underneath) but I don't believe it. She is one of the sweetest people I know.
CHERRY BLOSSOM TREE
This one was chosen because this sister feels like she has her moments of striking beauty but also has moments when she feels dull and barren. Don't we all feel that way sometimes?
MIMOSA TREE
We had a sister choose this tree because it has many different branches that start to shoot up almost from it's base, symbolizing our need to have many different strengths, interests and talents. She also liked it because it doesn't grow very tall and it is a favorite of young children everywhere!
WILLOW TREE
We liked this one because it has huge, drooping branches that protect all who come under it. It also bends in the wind but it doesn't break. Sometimes it is known as a weeping willow. All of us have moments when we indulge in a good cry.
EVERGREEN TREE
Arlene Gutierrez grew up in Evergreen, CO, and declared that this is her favorite tree because she is comfortable with it. (I love it because it can be turned into a Christmas tree!) Evergreens also have spiritual significance, reminding up the life can be eternal. Plus, they smell so good!
FICUS TREE
A sister chose this because ficus trees are such resilient little things! They can withstand just about anything, can be moved anywhere, and add beauty wherever they go.
MAPLE TREE
There is something about maple trees that exude confidence, strength, and wisdom. Plus, they are so stinkin tall! Maybe in my next life . . .
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT THE FATHER STILL SITS IN THE PRINCE'S TOWER? ARE THERE THINGS THAT CAN HAVE THAT POWERFUL OF A HOLD ON US?
Absolutely! The father's struggles are mirrored in various forms of addiction. The father, like an addict, has the tools that they need to escape but they often doubt their own strength. Sometimes it is easier to go with the flow. One of our sisters compared it to visiting the ocean. You can wade it and it seems easy enough to just walk one step further and one step further. At some point, however, you have to turn around and go against the current or else you will be swept out to sea.
We also thought that the father's proximity to the Prince was a factor in his decision to stay where he was. The Prince was smooth and conniving. Even Cinder was caught up in his spell. When we surround ourselves with less-than-wonderful associates, they can start to drag us down.
In The Book Of Mormon, we read about Nephites who became wicked and left to join the Lamanites. They are described as being harder and even more wicked than the Lamanites. Once you've had light and truth, if you turn against it, it seems that much harder to find your way home but it is still possible! After the prince had been banished, the father's tree had a beautiful, green sprout. They is ALWAYS hope!
WERE YOU SATISFIED BY THE ENDING OF THIS BOOK?
PARTIALLY
We liked that Ella and Tanner, and Cinder and Flesher ended up together.
We liked that Fern and Paul were going to have easy transportation to visit Ella
We liked that Beatrice and Katrina were going to be cared for
We were frustrated that the father didn't return home right away
We didn't like that the mother was alone and unchanged, still not recognizing Ella
There were several loose ends
IF YOU COULD ASK THE AUTHOR ONE QUESTION, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
(I'll be submitting these to Melissa. I understand that she is busy writing another book right now but I'll post answers if/when they come.)
1. Were your characters named after someone? We're especially curious about Cassandra, the horse.
2. What's the deal with wanting Cinder to bleed on the tree? Does that represent something?
3. Why did the Prince leave Ella alone with all of the keys? Arrogance?
4. What, in your mind, do the trees represent?
5. Do specific trees represent certain things? Are fruit trees different "people" than willow trees?
6. Will there ever be a sequel? If not, will you share your ideas of the complete story? What happens to all of these characters?
