Letters For Emily

1.      What is Harry’s motivation for writing and collecting the letters and poems?  Why does he address the letter to Emily rather than to one of his own children?  Why do you think he choose to use the poems to hide passwords instead of just compiling the letters in a scrapbook?

Letters would have been ignored if they had been directed to the children.

The passwords made it exciting to read the letters.  They had to interact with each other to figure out the clues.  Emily was young enough that she would need the help of other family members.

Harry didn’t have open lines of communication with his children during his life.  This was his way of opening those lines.

Emily figured out the initial clue and the horse joke.  She was intelligent enough to figure it out.

2.      The reader comes to know Harry in the first few chapters of the novel and then through his writings, and even after his death he remains a central character in the story.  What was your initial perception of Harry?  Did your opinion change as the story progressed?

Harry was a bit boring at first. 

Young and old have a lot to learn from each other.  The young,especially,have much to learn from the old as the old have walked the path before. 

Emily really looked forward to visiting with her grandfather each week.  She had a much different relationship with him than his own children or his other grandchildren. 

The letters made him real.  He wasn’t just a man with alzheimer's.  He was young and fell in love and did stupid things and LIVED!

We feel sorry for Bob and Michelle because they didn’t take advantage of the opportunity to get to know him.  They didn’t seem to understand what Harry went through after his wife died.

He placed coins in the books and used Kathryn’s favorite dress to make the covers.  He showed how much he cared.

3.      Through reading Harry’s book of poems and letters, Bob and Michelle come to learn about their mother, as well as about their parents’ courtship and marriage.  Why did Harry not tell them about their mother when they were growing up?

Guilt!  It was much too painful for him.  He was doing all that he could to keep his head above water. 

The last words that he spoke to her were harsh and he never had a chance to make it up to her.

4.      Bob has a contentious relationship with Harry, believing that Harry was not a good father and even referring to him by his first name.  After Bob has read a portion of the letters and poems, Laura says to him, “I think you’re starting to understand the old man, and that bothers you” (pg. 182).  Why does this bother him?  How do Bob’s feelings about his father change as he discovers more about him?

It bothers him because he knows that he’s lost his chance to forgive his father and to have a relationship with him. 

Bob doesn’t like to accept responsibility for his problems.  He doesn’t want to accept ownership for his difficulties. 

He starts to love his father when he realizes that he is human. 

Bob, starting his job in San Francisco, realizes how difficult it must have been for his father to be a single dad, struggling to raise two children and meet their physical and emotional needs.  

5.      When the novel opens, Bob and Laura’s marriage is dissolving.  How does their relationship change as the story progresses?  What role does Harry play in their relationship both before and after his death? 

Harry caught his son from falling when Bob was 36. 

Both Bob and Laura were given chances to move on, romantically, but both declined.  Bob started down the path but decided that his family was more important. 

Working together on the letters helped them to come together.  Also, understanding his father helped him to understand the deficiencies with his marriage.  He couldn’t fix things with his dad but he could fix things with Laura. 

Both were concerned about Emily and wanted to do what was best for her. 

Learning about Harry’s depression inspired Bob to get help for his own depression (genetic) and, with the help of medication, he was able to have a better, happier outlook. 

Laura was very devoted to her father-in-law.  (See Ruth and Naomi)   

6.      Laura questions the cause of Harry’s death, even wondering if a person can will himself to die, and then delves into his medical history.  What drives her to pursue this quest? 

Finding the pills, moving into the home, and his many sane moments made her question the diagnosis.  The pieces just didn’t fit. 

It’s a good thing that we can’t will ourselves to die.  Imagine the carnage from all of the heartbroken teenage girls. 

Is it different when elderly couples die close together?  Is that “willing themselves to die” or is that dying from a broken heart?  

7.      In one letter Harry writes, “Parents are strange and wonderful creatures….They are just people struggling to do the best they can, just the same as you are.  You will feel let down, betrayed, even ashamed.  This is the time, Emily when you need to forgive your parents for being human” (pg. 179).  The letter is addressed to Emily, but how does this reflect Harry’s relationship with his own children and with Bob in particular? 

Bob was obviously addressing his children, asking them for understanding and forgiveness. 

(quote from pgs. 180-181).  "There are times, however, when your parents should be standing under the tree to catch you, but they won't be.  Parents make mistakes, sometimes big ones.  I don't think this will make sense to you now, but Emily, there will come a time when you will have to forgive your parents for not being there when you fall out of the tree.  The day you do, you will begin to forget their mistakes and their armor will once again shine a little brighter in your eyes." 

It’s helpful to forgive your parents for our own sakes. 

Maybe the best that parents can do isn’t so hot, but it’s still the best that they can do.

“By the time that you learn to be a parent, you’re out of a job!”  ~Elaine Hopper  

8.      Harry’s book affects each of the characters who read it.  How does each character change from having read Harry’s writings?  Which of the letters did you find the most compelling, and why? 

BOB- changed the most.  He needed the change the most.  He learned about his father, his mother, his own mental illness and he developed a better, deeper relationship with his wife.  It made him a better father.  He understood better how much Laura had been doing to help his father. 

LAURA-it gave her a better appreciation of Harry and also of Bob.  She must have seen many similarities between the two.  The letters also gave her some confidence – solving the puzzles, making the calls.  It also helped her to understand that Bob’s reactions may have been the depression talking.  It may have given her acceptance – there are things in her life that are out of her control and that’s ok! 

EMILY – changed the least because she was already ok in her relationship with her grandfather.  Also, she is so young that much of the advice doesn’t apply to her yet. 

GREG- didn’t change at all.  He’s still selfish and self-absorbed. 

MICHELLE- Grew to have a better appreciation of her father, even though she had started to reconcile her relationship with him.  Because she was older, she remembered him more from before their mother died.  The letters also gave her a better view of her mother and helped her to develop a better, deeper relationship with her.  

9.      In the afterword, Camron Wright speaks of being inspired by the writings of his grandfather, Harry Wright, and makes the following statement: “I would encourage the reader to seek out the writings and letters of his or her own parents, grandparents, or other loved ones.  Perhaps, in this search, hidden wisdom will be discovered as well.  It may be, in reading forgotten words, in remembering their lives, their sacrifices, that their frailties will wash away, their strengths will surface, and they will be remembered fondly.  It is a wish that everyone should be granted.”  What does he mean by this last sentence?  How does this sentiment play out in Letters for Emily

He hoped that everyone would remember him, not just as a grumpy old man, but for who he really was. 

Writings can give us insight into who they really were!! 

Importance of journal writing, personal history writing 

Genealogy research – turns them from names on a page into real people  

10.    Do you have any letters, poems, or other writings from your own relatives?  If so, how have they changed or inspired you?  (Warning: This may not mean much if you weren't there for the discussion.  Sorry.)

Keeps us feeling connected to them, even after they have passed away. 

It’s cute to see the banter and the family dynamics. 

A poster full of catch-phrases – it doesn’t have to be anything big.  It’s the simple things that matter most. 

Knowing about his troubled childhood helped me to understand my grandfather’s attitude as an adult.  

 Knowing our religious history.  

11     What did you learn or gain from reading Letter for Emily? 

Reinforced our desire to be connected to the past. 

Helped us to understand mental illness and our need to be aware and sensitive.

GENERAL NOTES:

Our favorite poem was "To Grow, We'd Garden"

TO GROW, WE'D GARDEN

When I was just a little boy,

Dad took me by the hand.

Let's go work in the garden,

We'll plant the fertile land.

We'd work together often,

Dad made certain I was there.

How could I help? I was so small,

He always seemed to care.

We stood together, side by side,

Example now rings true.

Thinking back, I learned of life,

From simple things we'd do.

We'd till - I learned that good preparation is vital.

We'd plant - I learned to sow hope.

We's talk - I learned that I was loved.

We'd fertilize - I learned to give back, not just to take.

We'd water - I learned that, as plants need water, sunshine and soil, we also need balance in our lives.

We'd hoe - I learned that if it is not removed, evil can soon choke out the good.

We'd watch - I learned patience.

We'd pray - I learned that everything in life is a blessing.

We'd thin - I learned that we all need space to expand and grow.

We'd prune - I learned that to grow the sweetest fruit, we sometimes need to be cut back.

We'd harvest - I learned that hard work can reap bounteous rewards.

We'd thank - I learned humility.

My dad is gone and now I'm grown,

I try to teach my son.

We spend time in the garden,

Toil beneath the shining sun.

In memory I bow my head,

And beg my own dad's pardon.

I'm not like him and though I try,

I just can't grow a garden.

It doesn't really matter though,

As a dad I understand.

I'm not here to grow a garden,

My job's to grow a man.

We also appreciate that Harry gave each set of grandchildren what he thought they would appreciate.  He gave the house to Emily because she would appreciate the memories.  He gave Greg’s kids the money because he knew they would appreciate the money.